What Did You Do?

What Did You Do?

You try to sleep all day

Sleep all night

But try as you might

You can’t do it

You say your chest feels tight

What did you do to deserve this?

Every day you have a near miss

You knock politely on Death’s door

You say you can’t take anymore

What would I do without you Mum?

What did you do?

What did you do?

It’s making me go numb

You shower the bed with your morning pills

Never knowing how bad this makes me feel

I want to take away the pain

I want to take you away on a plane

All I see is how fed up you are

Doctors constantly keep lowering the bar

You’ve dealt with so much from such a young age

You keep telling me to turn the next page

And see what’s going to happen in the book of life

Whether it’s the last or beginning page

Just strive

For so long you’ve been my shield

No matter how ill

You feel

No matter how hot the flames go

You have never ever left me alone

Even though I worry every single night

You’re the angel that never leaves my side

When you go into hospital

I’m the one to make that call

With you fighting the pain

And me fighting the shame

I think I am to blame

I’m not able to help you

Oh I know you feel it too

You want to help me

But for now I say ‘let it be’

You’re the one whimpering

And hoping to stop suffering

So even though I want you to stay

I’ll be your little angel and never stray

I’ll get you the help and make you well

Now you need me as much as I need you

Now I see all the pain I caused you

What did you do?

You don’t deserve all of this

I wish I could dismiss

All the pain

Coursing through your veins

Or just make it tame

All my life, I have never seen you

Without Death gliding behind you too

What did you do Mum?

It’s made me numb.